Archive for the ‘ Musings :I ’ Category

Numbers

I check the numbers everyday; numbers of how many are infected, how many couldn’t make it. I don’t want to use the word dead, I don’t know why, but I hesitate. These numbers seem to multiply dramatically everyday, by the thousands in the website. I narrate it to my husband, “Wasn’t it 11000 something in Italy last time you checked?!” , he questions in disbelief.

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Unruly

Unruly;
As if all your curls have thoughts of their own;
Dreams of their own;
And are rebelling against the comb;
Shooting here, there and everywhere;
Won’t follow the convention;
Won’t be tamed, won’t be framed;
And won’t apologize for being the way they are;
I hope you grow to love them ,darling the way they are;
I hope you grow to love yourself too the way you are;
I hope you find peace with your curls;
And embed their spirit into yours.

Unruly

I will always love you a little more.

21 Jan 2020

I have loved you a little more, cause I have known you a little more.

As you grew from a few cells to my little baby, as you kicked and turned around in my belly, I have loved you a little more.

As I ran like a maniac, to hospitals, many times in fear that I lost you before I held you, I have loved you a little more.

As you came out crying out of me , all in blood and doctor held you so that I could see you, I have loved you a little more.

As you wailed and hungrily gobbled up milk and slept in my arms, day in and day out, I have loved you a little more.

As you cried and smiled, cooed and took in your first sights, I have loved you a little more.

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Motherhood

7th Jan 2018

I thought I knew what love is;
Yet after you arrived;
I was awestruck with its power;
How unconditionally it flows;
And warms my heart;
Reaches into nooks and crevices;
That I never knew existed within me.

I thought I knew what motherhood is;
From my Mamu who loved me so well
And yet as the tables turned;
It’s taken me by fervour;
It keeps growing;
Ferocious with every ounce of blood and milk;
That flows from me to you.

I thought I knew myself;
I thought I had figured me out very well;
Yet this newness in me;
Has taken me by surprise;
This patience and tolerance I never had before;
Seems to grow and mature;
Together with you.

There are times when I am exhausted;
It’s never all glam and glory you see;
Yet I wouldn’t have it otherwise;
Yet I wouldn’t have it otherwise.

Missing someone!

9th August 2018

missing someone

Missing someone isn’t always limited to a mental and emotional state. Sometimes, it may go beyond heart yearnings and can manifest itself into a physical form. You miss a person and your body aches- physically. You feel this acute pain; a void that can numb you. It isn’t same as a physical wanting; desire or lust. It doesn’t have any sexual shade to it. It is pain and yet not just any pain. The heart has its ways you see.

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The Maiden grass song

14 Jan 2017

​As the wind rustles,

From in between its bristles;

A song magically emerges;

Different everyday and in every way;

Slowly, soothingly will it then sing;

And fill us up with a serene zing;

With everything we want to hear;

With everything we want to share;

It is the song of maidengrass!

Boat by the Narayani Bank

15th November 2017

I promise you;

That I will take you to new places;

Satisfy your wanderlust and stir your senses;

But let me anchor here now and feel the water flow by;

Unwind , relax and loose myself in this magical reverie.

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Dashain Vibes!

15th September 2017

As the monsoon ends,
There is this particular change,
A fresh fragrance comes alive,
In the otherwise humid air,
Smell the crispiness,
Of the approaching season,
Of calmer days and cooler evenings,
Of bluish sky dotted with kite flying,
The nature herself seems to rejuvenate,
From the harsh heat and chaos,
Mingled with the smell of sweet perseverance,
And hope of bountiful harvest, Continue reading

Fluttery

23/6/2017

Fluttery,
My thoughts swoop and plummet,
Deep down at one instant,
Only to soar right up in another,
And disintegrate,
Like a fire cracker,
Or a rain drop,
Into thousand smaller thoughts,
Of no particular shape,
Or size or consistency,
Each thought soar and plummet further,
Miniscule and scattered in a thousand directions,
Here, there and everywhere,
Till it breaks again and clubs again,
To a form a haze,
Of a thousand ideas and,
A zillion notion,
Each one complete in its incompleteness,
Assertive in its doubtfulness,
Strong in its weakness,
Contradicting with its very existence,
Premature and impulsive,
As I stare at my screen,
Trying hard to focus,
But to no avail, Continue reading

Note to Self: No Procrastination!

6th January 2017

post_it_notes

Image Source: dreamstime.com

 

I have always been a “happy go lucky” person. I have always done what I liked, when I liked and how I liked. If I don’t want to do anything particular, I just don’t do it. Period. End of the discussion. When I say it like this, it might paint a very happy, fulfilled picture but I am not trying to paint a golden picture here. Sometimes, when I do what I want and especially when and how I want it; it does have certain negative consequences; especially when you have to get it done anyhow. It might then, impede progress and self growth. Let me simplify this statement: what I mean here is this habit will lead to what we call PROCRASTINATION.

My master’s thesis dissertation is a perfect example. I have delayed it by two years and I have to get it done by this year anyhow. Else, my MSC degree , something in which I have invested my two hard years of my life, will dissolve. It has had some consequences over my personal life too. Every time, I think of doing it; something more urgent or more interesting comes up and I avoid it. Of course, I always promise that I am going to get it done, with full concentration next time but it never happens. Similarly, it has effects in my professional life too. I end up doing too many things at the last hour; basically juggling with deadlines. I deliver always, of course, as I have no other option. But it does leave me thinking how I could have done it timely, without waking up in the middle of night or rushing to just get it done anyhow. Then, I end up vowing, that this will not be repeated ever EVER again!

I end up repeating the same story again, of course! Continue reading