Posts Tagged ‘ facebook ’

While Tossing and Turning..

8th June 2012

Its 12:30 midnight. I switch off my kindle and decide to sleep then. I turn off my lights and climb onto my bed; inside the canopy of mosquito net. I say my prayers and lie down; hug my pillows and turn around. But me eyes are wide awake.

My mind is still somewhere in Lusitania, trapped in faraway galaxy with Pipo and Novinha caught in their fierce argument on Xenobiology. I wonder why Pipo would let Novinha take the test. Pointless, I sigh and try to keep the “Speaker for the dead” thoughts away from my mind. “I will be reading it again tomorrow anyways, I tell myself. I need to sleep now”, I decide. But my sleep probably got lost in the galaxy, fantasized by Orson Scott; because it’s just not coming to me. I turn around and his thoughts barge into my head in a lightspeed manner. Not Orson Scott, of course! “He must be studying, does he have exams tomorrow”, I muse. I check time, its 1 am here.  “So it’s already 1:15 there, he must have gone to bed,” I tell myself. “Could he be awake now, could he be thinking about me” my heart wonders. “Stupid heart always thinking out of the way and getting itself into trouble” I scold myself. But it doesn’t stop there. The train of thoughts links itself to memories from my sub-conscious and I find myself thinking about the things he said, things I wanted him to say but he didn’t say. Expectations announce themselves in my mind, only to be swiftly replaced by deep disappoints. “Should not expect from others,” I remind myself, teary-eyed by now. “Does this ever end?” I ask myself aloud. “It would have if you had let it” adds my over smart brain chastising my stupid heart. And the accusations and defenses go on for some time.

I should think about something else, I decide and turn around sniffing into the darkness, wiping my wet eyes with my blanket.  My mind turns over inevitably then and I find myself going through the skype conversations with my family. The things they said today; I replay all the conversation over and over in my mind.  My father’s usual questions, my mother’s instructions and cautious words , my babu’s  jokes and funny comments with my usual mindless chattering; the usual skype conversation as we try to make up for the miles long distance and 24 hours in the 1 hour video chat. I also ponder over the unsaid things, their expressions and pray to god to keep my family safe. Then, the gnawing feeling is back; the feeling of missing your loved ones.

A few mosquitoes decide to barge in and sing to me then. I curse them and sit up and manage to send one to heaven. A distraction just in time! I flip the pillows. It is always cooler on the other side. The fan is still circulating at full speed. Its 2:30 am by now. I sigh and tell myself that I have only 2 hours to sleep now. That drives my thoughts towards my work. My achievements, my targets and myself assessments take over my thoughts now, as I assess my actions, interactions.  The whole report plays out in my mind in the Microsoft format then. I make plans for the next day and mental notes of the things I should finish. All sorts of bright, promising ideas take shape in the darkness of night then as I keep thinking about my work. Continue reading

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A thursday!

4th November 2011.
Death is powerful. It always strikes us, all mortals alike, with a huge blow; no matter how we defend ourselves, line ourselves up with wealth and power. It renders us helpless in the end, and ultimately wins every battle. It is shocking, even more so, when it happens to someone close; someone unexpected; someone out of blue; someone, who is young and dynamic; someone whom you had just chatted two days ago in face book. But this article is not on death or for death; because death is like a big black hole; a swallowing emptiness; no one knows for sure what it is or what happens when a person dies.
3rd November. It was a regular Thursday. I went to University, as always. I was out of internet access as it was a public holiday, the previous day. I went and logged onto my account. I had a message from my friend and she was asking me if the news was true, if Mukesh Dai died. Shocked and confused, I scolded her in reply for being so senseless and silly. Then as I logged into my face book, I saw my seniors’ status updates all wishing Mukesh daii would rest in peace. Bewildered, utterly confused I checked his wall. And there it was: more than 100 posts written. Some had posted how shocked they were; some were complaining about god’s injustice; some just grieved at the loss of their dear friend; some were saying how important he was for them; some still unable to believe the tragedy, were asking him to reply back on face book that he was ok. I was already crying. As I scrolled down his wall, the reality punched into my guts harder and harder. There was a car accident two nights ago, and he had passed away in the crash; away from home in Ohio. Continue reading

A silent understanding:)

I am doing the dishes;

Lifehouse is playing in the background;

I am lost in the “everything”;

And you come around hesitating;

Give that smile of yours;

Meekly , slowly talk about others;

I can read your mind ;

I know what is going inside;

But still you talk about this and that;

Without giving the issue a start;

Tell me “Fuchii, did you like the photo?”

I laugh inside and say “of course, it is awesome keto”

And we again talk this and that; here and there;

Never uttering  a word, into facebook you disappear;

I am you sister, been with you for 17 years;

I understand all the meanings of your smiles, needs and tears;

I love you so much Babu, so much so;

And you love me too, without much ado;

Neither do you need to tell me that nor do I;

That we are siblings cum friends cum soulmates, dear bhai;

I know “Thankyou”s and “I love you”s, you will never say;

But the love and trust don’t need them, they always stay;

And then I reach the office, open fb and guess what I see;

Something that knew without your saying , a wallpost  “thankss Fuchhii”!!!