Posts Tagged ‘ family ’

Dashain Vibes!

15th September 2017

As the monsoon ends,
There is this particular change,
A fresh fragrance comes alive,
In the otherwise humid air,
Smell the crispiness,
Of the approaching season,
Of calmer days and cooler evenings,
Of bluish sky dotted with kite flying,
The nature herself seems to rejuvenate,
From the harsh heat and chaos,
Mingled with the smell of sweet perseverance,
And hope of bountiful harvest, Continue reading

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While Tossing and Turning..

8th June 2012

Its 12:30 midnight. I switch off my kindle and decide to sleep then. I turn off my lights and climb onto my bed; inside the canopy of mosquito net. I say my prayers and lie down; hug my pillows and turn around. But me eyes are wide awake.

My mind is still somewhere in Lusitania, trapped in faraway galaxy with Pipo and Novinha caught in their fierce argument on Xenobiology. I wonder why Pipo would let Novinha take the test. Pointless, I sigh and try to keep the “Speaker for the dead” thoughts away from my mind. “I will be reading it again tomorrow anyways, I tell myself. I need to sleep now”, I decide. But my sleep probably got lost in the galaxy, fantasized by Orson Scott; because it’s just not coming to me. I turn around and his thoughts barge into my head in a lightspeed manner. Not Orson Scott, of course! “He must be studying, does he have exams tomorrow”, I muse. I check time, its 1 am here.  “So it’s already 1:15 there, he must have gone to bed,” I tell myself. “Could he be awake now, could he be thinking about me” my heart wonders. “Stupid heart always thinking out of the way and getting itself into trouble” I scold myself. But it doesn’t stop there. The train of thoughts links itself to memories from my sub-conscious and I find myself thinking about the things he said, things I wanted him to say but he didn’t say. Expectations announce themselves in my mind, only to be swiftly replaced by deep disappoints. “Should not expect from others,” I remind myself, teary-eyed by now. “Does this ever end?” I ask myself aloud. “It would have if you had let it” adds my over smart brain chastising my stupid heart. And the accusations and defenses go on for some time.

I should think about something else, I decide and turn around sniffing into the darkness, wiping my wet eyes with my blanket.  My mind turns over inevitably then and I find myself going through the skype conversations with my family. The things they said today; I replay all the conversation over and over in my mind.  My father’s usual questions, my mother’s instructions and cautious words , my babu’s  jokes and funny comments with my usual mindless chattering; the usual skype conversation as we try to make up for the miles long distance and 24 hours in the 1 hour video chat. I also ponder over the unsaid things, their expressions and pray to god to keep my family safe. Then, the gnawing feeling is back; the feeling of missing your loved ones.

A few mosquitoes decide to barge in and sing to me then. I curse them and sit up and manage to send one to heaven. A distraction just in time! I flip the pillows. It is always cooler on the other side. The fan is still circulating at full speed. Its 2:30 am by now. I sigh and tell myself that I have only 2 hours to sleep now. That drives my thoughts towards my work. My achievements, my targets and myself assessments take over my thoughts now, as I assess my actions, interactions.  The whole report plays out in my mind in the Microsoft format then. I make plans for the next day and mental notes of the things I should finish. All sorts of bright, promising ideas take shape in the darkness of night then as I keep thinking about my work. Continue reading

Dear Daddy!

May 31, 2012

Dear daddy,

I can read minds; at least I can read yours. It’s not difficult when you love someone so much. I love you daddy, you know I do. Maybe not as much as you love me, but in my own way; I love you a lot. I love you so much so that my heart aches. It is not easy staying away from you in Sri Lanka.I know I scold you everytime you say you miss me. Everytime you say that your life is difficult without me; I accuse you making me weak.  Everytime you say that I cannot take care of myself, I argue that you are being impossibly possessive. But , in truth, I miss you more. I miss everything about you, your big loud “HAHA”s, your big warm eyes; your heart warming smile. I miss our shopping trips, where I always exceed our shopping agreement; and how you ask me to lie to Mamu about the actual prices and still despite our efforts she says “chori-choralai kuiyiine gari bigarna laagisakyo” ; our conspiracies, debates and heated disagreements. I miss your reactions after I do everything that you ask me not to do and  I even miss banging door on your face after our stupid fights daddy. I miss the way you shield us, babu and I, from everything; and the way you pamper us. The way you say “kids don’t need to know this” and how you always almost never let me grow up. People say I am immature, and I know it is partially true; all thanks to you. But I love you daddy.

I get mad at you at times, many times actually because of these very reasons. I want to be independent, free but you always want me near, clinging to you. With all our differences; your everlasting cynicism and my undying optimism; you trying to protect me, control me every time  and me opposing you at every step; I love you. There are things that we will never agree; since you are stubborn and I happen to take right after you in stubbornness , I know that no one can or will ever love me like you do. You have always protected me, kept me safe from everything and even when I am here you won’t give up in your pursuit. Continue reading