Posts Tagged ‘ girl ’

My last flight

March 31st, 2012

It is an awesome feeling to be in love, to have a partner, to chirp mindlessly to each other and to prepare to bring our kids into this world. In our case it is seasonal. When the spring starts, the feeling of love also blooms within ourselves and we start searching and courting our partners; flying, soaring, finding homes and laying eggs. We were quite late this time; however we decided to build our nest on a yellow wall inside human shelter. It was a flower basket actually, that we chose; but the flower neither smelled, nor withered. But it was dry and warm; just as we needed and we had it right across our entrance window. Earlier there was no one, there in that shelter. A lady and a dog would be there downstairs and at night a man too. Later a girl started coming for night and leaving early morning. Maybe it was her nest too. She never bothered us; she would pretend as if she didn’t notice us flying in and out; but sometimes I could see her putting white cotton balls in our nest and sometimes she would put a plate of grains below our nest. Maybe that was her way of acknowledging us; giving food and keeping us warm. Though we lived in harmony, I could hear a big, buzzing sound whenever she stayed in her shelter, within her section of nest and she always sealed her entrance, when the noise was there.

We laid eggs; 3 pretty brown eggs and I started warming them. I would sit on eggs and my hubby would bring me food. Sometimes, when he got late I would make do with the grains the girl offered; sometimes I would fly inside the shelter and find insects for myself. This particular day, it was very hot. I sat on my eggs the whole day and the girl was also within her section of shelter the whole day, occasionally coming out. Soon, it got dark and my hubby hadn’t arrived. I got restless and hunger was driving me mad. I flew inside the shelter but couldn’t catch a single insect. There was no offering from the girl either. Then, the girl came out of her section and left the door ajar. I perched on the door and peeped inside her section. It was lit, like day. The humming sound was there and something was moving in the center. I hoped I would catch some food, so I decided to check in. As I flapped my wings, something pulled me towards the center. It was like being sucked by a vast air current and I hit the part of the moving thing. I was instantly thrown somewhere and as I was falling I could hear the girl screaming. I was numb; the pain was blinding and I could feel the blood oozing from me. More screaming and then the lady came upstairs. Now, the girl was wailing and so was the lady. I couldn’t move. After what seems like an eon of pain, the man came and held me in his palm. He said something and the females sighed. Then, he slowly touched me, held mu hurting wing, and examined me. It hurt when he lifted it, though he was trying not to hurt me. He then applied some sticky paste on my wounds; while the girl fed me with some sweet, salty liquid. I wet my beak; thirsty as I was, I was scared too. They were humans and yet so close to me. I was broken, helpless so I stayed still. From the corner of my eyes, I could see the two females putting same white fluffy things over my nest. “Don’t hurt my babies,” was all I could think then; as he carried me downstairs and put me in a box.

They had wrapped my broken wing in a white material. After sometime, they left me alone. When all human noises ceased and darkness dominated, I slowly tried to get out from the box; but to no avail. I was broken; I couldn’t fly. Even lifting my wings was tedious.  I slowly dragged myself off the box; my babies…I had to reach them somehow. They would be cold without me. But the hall seemed longer now; it was not so long when I flew in it. But now, it was dawn already by the time I made halfway the hall. Human noises buzzed again and the lady came to me. She scooped me in her hand and kept stroking me gently. Scared, I decided to stay still again. The girl came down a few moments later and both sat there, staring at me. They fed me that liquid again and later the man put me outside, below the sky, in the garden. He would sometimes put me inside the box and sometimes on the cold ground. But they left me alone. Soon, my fellow friends found me and my hubby also came. But they just stared at me. They were helpless too. I was broken, I could never fly and they couldn’t help me. Continue reading

While Tossing and Turning..

8th June 2012

Its 12:30 midnight. I switch off my kindle and decide to sleep then. I turn off my lights and climb onto my bed; inside the canopy of mosquito net. I say my prayers and lie down; hug my pillows and turn around. But me eyes are wide awake.

My mind is still somewhere in Lusitania, trapped in faraway galaxy with Pipo and Novinha caught in their fierce argument on Xenobiology. I wonder why Pipo would let Novinha take the test. Pointless, I sigh and try to keep the “Speaker for the dead” thoughts away from my mind. “I will be reading it again tomorrow anyways, I tell myself. I need to sleep now”, I decide. But my sleep probably got lost in the galaxy, fantasized by Orson Scott; because it’s just not coming to me. I turn around and his thoughts barge into my head in a lightspeed manner. Not Orson Scott, of course! “He must be studying, does he have exams tomorrow”, I muse. I check time, its 1 am here.  “So it’s already 1:15 there, he must have gone to bed,” I tell myself. “Could he be awake now, could he be thinking about me” my heart wonders. “Stupid heart always thinking out of the way and getting itself into trouble” I scold myself. But it doesn’t stop there. The train of thoughts links itself to memories from my sub-conscious and I find myself thinking about the things he said, things I wanted him to say but he didn’t say. Expectations announce themselves in my mind, only to be swiftly replaced by deep disappoints. “Should not expect from others,” I remind myself, teary-eyed by now. “Does this ever end?” I ask myself aloud. “It would have if you had let it” adds my over smart brain chastising my stupid heart. And the accusations and defenses go on for some time.

I should think about something else, I decide and turn around sniffing into the darkness, wiping my wet eyes with my blanket.  My mind turns over inevitably then and I find myself going through the skype conversations with my family. The things they said today; I replay all the conversation over and over in my mind.  My father’s usual questions, my mother’s instructions and cautious words , my babu’s  jokes and funny comments with my usual mindless chattering; the usual skype conversation as we try to make up for the miles long distance and 24 hours in the 1 hour video chat. I also ponder over the unsaid things, their expressions and pray to god to keep my family safe. Then, the gnawing feeling is back; the feeling of missing your loved ones.

A few mosquitoes decide to barge in and sing to me then. I curse them and sit up and manage to send one to heaven. A distraction just in time! I flip the pillows. It is always cooler on the other side. The fan is still circulating at full speed. Its 2:30 am by now. I sigh and tell myself that I have only 2 hours to sleep now. That drives my thoughts towards my work. My achievements, my targets and myself assessments take over my thoughts now, as I assess my actions, interactions.  The whole report plays out in my mind in the Microsoft format then. I make plans for the next day and mental notes of the things I should finish. All sorts of bright, promising ideas take shape in the darkness of night then as I keep thinking about my work. Continue reading

beginnings and endings!!

20th August 2011
“Every music ends; but that’s no reason not to listen to music.” I read it in my twitter timeline sometime back and loved it instantly. This quote made me think, delve deeply in to the meaning and significance of two nouns: “beginnings and endings”. Of course, everything begins from a certain point and ends at the other. Some might say that nothing begins or ends; it is infact a continuous cycle. Well, i would love to agree with it but at 21, I still need to see more aspects of life to give away insightful thoughts and philosophies as spiritual leaders. Well, nothing might end or begin and everything in this universe might be some sort of cycle…but when you live all your life in tinny whimsy moments like I do; the endings and beginnings do matter. And when we live all these moments from our four chambers; every beginning and every ending leaves a deep impression or in latter case a scar in our hearts. But i guess, we cancerians are more prone to all these scars, than the rest zodiacs. The beginnings and endings, at this particular moment I am talking about is: Life and death.

I am no philosopher, but I know for a fact that people live and people die. And the dance of life continues through generations. This is not a new thing either. A dozen kids might be crying their way into this world from their mother’s womb, as I write, another dozen, leaving this very world. This beginning and ending of life sometimes makes me Continue reading